Sunday, August 5, 2012

16 Tons, What Do I Get?

 I know it has been a while since I last posted. I am at a creative musing point as to which direction I should go with the background of the Tree quilt.  It’s just not flowing in the direction I have in my mind. The blocks don’t flow and the colors seem chunky. Fabric is expensive these days, and I don’t want to keep slicing and dicing until I get it right. I’m going to examine nature a little harder to see which direction God chose for these colors and work a little harder to emulate the same.

Everything is expensive these days. Everything. Yesterday morning, before taking my daughter out to her favorite thrift shops to get her “new” clothes to enter high school for the first time, I decided to take my Jeep to the mechanic to get it checked out. It turns out I need a new transmission. How much, you ask? $4,000. Yes, $4,000.  And, I now hear my car is unsafe to drive.  How do I feel about that? Like Merle Travis felt when he wrote "16 Tons", another day older and deeper in debt. So for the next few weeks, my son and I will use the buses for everything while we pull our resources, cut back on our indulgences and set aside what we can.

When I first heard the news yesterday afternoon, I immediately retreated into my worst self-destructive behavior when things get to be ‘too much’. I walked to the grocery store and bought a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, then ate it. That was stupid. When I was done hurting myself, I realized I still didn’t feel better, and my problem wasn’t solved. Time for more self induced therapy and a different type of avoidance behavior. Instead of sitting down with bills and a spreadsheet to work through this setback, I went to my sewing room and worked on the block swap for August.

 I made not one, but three.

I only needed one, but I didn’t want to work on that spreadsheet. Not yet. Working on three used up the rest of my day until it was time to go to bed. So now here it is, a new day, a sugar hangover, and here I am sitting in my sewing room staring at this tree quilt, and wanting to solve that problem instead. When will I grow up?

How about today? I am a granddaughter of a coal miner. It's time I dig deep into my DNA, and face this challenge head on. Living frugally. I've done it before. I can do it again. Not sure why I stopped.